liars, tigers & bears - oh my!

'The lie is a condition of life.' Nietzche was a smart man. According to a 1996 study by Bella DePaulo, PhD and her colleagues, most people lie an average of 1-2 times a day, that both men and women lie in one fifth of their social exchanges lasting over ten minutes, and about thirty percent lie during one-on-one interactions. This isn't even including mindless pleasantries or polite equivocations. Their conclusions were solely based on official lies used to mislead or convey a falsehood.

Given all this lying, it is hard to imagine anyone being particularly honest, especially when their intentions are less than honorable or driven by some other selfish motive.

Of course, there are lies serving as harmless social lubricants thus making it easier to get along; but what about the lies intentionally used to emotionally mind-fuck someone into believing untruths for your sole benefit?

While women's lies tend to focus on making others feel better, such as claiming your best friends ass doesn't look like Shamu in her new jeans, men's lies focus on inflating their ego and concealment. With consideration to the purpose behind why men lie and their obsessional quest for sex, it is hardly a shock to the system that men conveniently lie to women to get them in bed. The ease of casual sex in society has made men unwilling to play by any rules but their own, even if it entails malicious emotional deception.

As a woman, how are you to believe anything a man says, especially one you have just met?

We've all heard the tales of women who go out and meet Mr. Wonderful who woos her with such flattery that he makes Casanova look like an amateur. Beautifully fabricated lines of how decadent her beauty is, how pleasurable her company is, how he would love to spend countless amounts of time with her, and possibly even cook for her. The woman in turn longingly hopes this seemingly perfect man is indeed real. And he is, until she has sex with him or until he has found a replacement and she never hears from him again. Or worse yet, perhaps for once the man actually means all that he has said but the woman, having been burned far too much in the past for being ridiculously hopeful, offends him when she can't believe him. So again, she is left with nothing.

In a time when lying seems to be on the uprise, how do you know who to trust? How do you spot the truly rare genuines in a sea full of deceit?

Even our society sends conflicting messages regarding lying. We are socialized to believe it is best to always tell the truth yet society encourages us to lie and even rewards deception. Eighty-five percent of couples interviewed in 1990 revealed that one or both partners had lied about past relationships or recent indiscretions. We are so conflicted that we don't even remain truthful to our supposed loved ones. Our moral bar has been lowered so much that women who complain about deception come off as high-maintenance psychos (Amy Sohn).

Are we simply to accept a lifestyle of lies and deceit? A life of being mentally brainwashed and raped by others so they may reap the benefits?

Lying inhibits our intrinsic worth and our ability to make free, rational choices. Philosopher Immanuel Kent proclaims that lying is always wrong on the grounds that it corrupts the most important quality of the human being: the ability to make free, rational choices. Lying also robs others of their freedom to choose rationally. By lying we are completely contradicting our right as humans.

Would the world be a better place if it was purged of the deceptions that seem to interfere with our attempts at genuine communication or intimacy?