the ever elusive break up

"When I spend time with her it's no longer fun because there is too much bitterness and resentment lying underneath it all. We live together but it's more like two strangers living together than a loving relationship. I haven't been happy in a long time. I was looking for someone to not only have sexual fun with but looking for someone to hang out with, go on dates with and have a good time with. I think she may have already found someone else."

When is enough, enough? How do you know when to call a relationship quits? Are the above mentioned reason enough? These were all sentiments expressed by one person regarding their current living situation with their "girlfriend" and yet he remains despite numerous reasons to simply walk away.

In a relationship that is seemingly going nowhere, how do you know when it is inevitably time to call it quits? What are the indicators? Are they different for each of us or are there some universal guidelines we may all abide by, such as seeking out someone new not only to fulfill your sexual fantasies but to also fill the intimacy, affection, and companionship voids in your life (voids that should be filled to the brim when in a relationship).

We seem to prefer a "comfortable" routine over our own happiness. Either that or we are all too chicken to face the unknown. To place ourselves back on the meat market. To be alone. But are some of us not already. Existing in a relationship that contains more resentment than love is no way to live your life. What are we all afraid of losing that we have not already lost before?

I was told all the above by a friend who lives with his 'girlfriend' and yet seeks out someone else to fill the voids in his life, not only sexual voids but companionship voids and yet I can not fathom how one could endure remaining in a relationship that seems so doomed for failure if it hasn't already reached that. What makes you stay with someone when the signs are all there indicating that it is already over? Because a break-up would result in the difficult task of determining who stays and who goes, what furniture stays and what goes, who gets the beloved cd collection or a prized piece of artwork? Or is it having to once again foot all the bills or face the unwanted task of finding a *gulp* roommate? and if you don't live with the person, your biggest worry after a break-up may now be where to spend your Friday evenings, hardly a life or death crisis. Or could it be because we get so comfortable in the routine of it all, even if it is a routine that renders us miserable. We hold tightly to this routine, afraid to let go, afraid to face the unknown because surely our miserable state with someone is better than being with no one. Are we all that afraid of being alone?

When I questioned my friend on why he would continue in this situation he asked whether I had ever lived with a boyfriend to which I replied 'no.' 'Then you have no idea what it is like,' he replied before going on a long bout of how I could not possibly fathom what it is like to live with someone and how difficult it is. Fine, perhaps I do not know what it is like to live with someone. But I do know what it is like to continue being in a miserable relationship where neither person is happy and I can't say I want to do that again. The signs were there. I avoided them as long as possible, knowing they were there but somewhat idealistically hopeful that things would magically work out if I simply wished hard enough. They didn't. And yes, it hurt to quit, admit failure in the relationship but after the initial sting I realized it was a brilliant decision and even though I no longer had anyone to curl against in the dark, I was happy.

So what does it take to finally admit failure in a relationship? Do most of us stay longer than we should simply because we are too afraid to take the risk of calling it quits and being on our own again? Breaking our comfortable routine for a life that admittedly has to be far better than dreading coming home everyday?

sex, morals and jesus christ

When it comes to sex, Americans revert to their adolescent, pubescent days of simultaneously intrigued, grossed-out, aroused, confused, obsessed and shameful behavior. Perhaps it is due to our nation still being in its infancy compared to most of the world or perhaps our conflicting sexual fascination and guilt originates with our founding members, the Puritans, who were the most devout and spiritual, and perhaps the most sexually deprived group in all of Europe.

As a nation, it doesn't take much to get our panties in a wad. While we like to righteously claim that we adhere to a strict code of family values and lofty, yet "ideal," notions of morality, we find it admissible to promote the adrenaline rush of watching a bunch of "steroid-crazed, wife-beating, semi-literate millionaires harm another bunch of steroid-crazed, wife-beating, semi-literate millionaires" (Diane Roberts) yet the idea of Janet's wardrobe malfunctioning thereby allowing all of America a nanosecond of a glimpse of her bare breast is outrageously inexcusable. As Diane Roberts so eloquently said, "Football is good, clean all-American fun. Sex is dirty, violence is okay." Since when did a glimpse of a breast outweigh the harm induced by violence, booze binges, murder and commercials claiming "erections lasting more than four hours require immediate attention?"

When did our morality as a whole be equated with our sexual morality?

Our media saturates our minds with sexual propaganda, images, stories, music and any other methods at their disposal, yet with all this titillating means of arousal and temptation we are not supposed to act upon it without compromising our moral stature, that is, unless we are keeping our lascivious activities within the confines of a marriage. God help you if you are not bound by matrimony. As for homosexuals, according to our strict equation of morality and sex are just doomed from the start. God forbid they desecrate the sanctity that is marriage. Yes, a sacred bond with fifty percent ending in divorce and the remaining half most likely sullied by secret affairs. Clearly the homosexuals would undermine the holy bond of marriage. Hell, even our Puritan ancestors were not pure enough to withstand adulterous or pre-marital temptation. There are numerous accounts of Puritans in the 1600s being punished for sexual deviance through whippings, brandings, and fines. Even their uncompromising code of conduct and sexual limitations, justified by the Bible, were not enough to suppress their inherent sexual desires.

As a species, we are inherently sexual in nature and, yet, through the years we have been brainwashed to believe that sex is impure and immoral unless it is within the binds of marriage. Our moral codes are complex definitions of right and wrong based upon well-defined value systems such as the Golden Rule, the Noble Eightfold Path of Buddhism, and the 10 Commandments of Judaism, Christianity, and Islamic religions. Morality though is confused with religions precepts since religions have provided both visions and regulations for an 'ideal' life. At the top of their list is the claim that an ideal life can be achieved through sexual repression and abstinence until marriage. Heaven forbid you have sex with someone you are dating and as for a one night stand, as far as religion is concerned, you are definitely on the 'damned' list. Perhaps if you chanted enough 'Our Fathers' you'd cleanse your immoral soul.

We observe sex in all aspects of our culture, where the media depicts it as a natural part of life, but still can not enjoy it freely. In spite of your religious affiliation, there are still deeply ingrained notions of sexual immorality. While we have evolved from considering anything outside of marriage to be taboo and immoral, we still have not evolved to the point of accepting multiple sexual partners or the idea of having unlimited sexual partners. For each of us, there still remains a line in our mind that someone can cross sexually to suddenly become immoral, whether it be by participating in a certain sexual act or by having one to many sexual partners. We still equate sex with morality. We will never be sexually liberated until our mental structure and moral inhibitions evolve.

happily-never-after and becoming a coffee bean

We all want our happily-ever-after. We all hope that the next person we fall for is "the one." But honestly, how often does this hold to be true? What are the odds that the next person you like will become someone you date and then someone you become serious with and then the person you marry and the person you spend the rest of your life with? Realistically, I'm guessing the odds are probably about 1%, especially in today's age when divorce rates skyrocket and people seem to work less and less at having a successful relationship.

Someone I know said he always looks about ten years down the road when he considers dating someone, while everyone is entitled to their own method of choosing who they date, I completely disagree with this method of selection. What if instead of looking years into the future before selecting someone, you simply looked at the here and now? I know this sounds awful but I think you should go into a relationship with an expectation that it won't end in the happily-ever-after til death do us part, because even that's not a guarantee. Not saying to go into a relationship with negative expectations but realistically 95% of relationships, at least, are doomed for failure so why delude yourself that this is "the one." Just go with the flow and just because the relationship may ultimately lead to a bitter breakup doesn't mean that you shouldn't try it anyways. Think of all the great moments you'll have together. So what if it only last 2 months, 2 years or 20 years. Was the time worth it? Were all the happy memories that you shared together worth the slight pain of a break-up?

No one likes to let their guard down and feel they have been made a fool of. Sometimes we are so afraid of risking our emotions that we withhold ourselves and miss out on phenomenal opportunities. Sometimes we pretend that things will just happen on their own, but relationships need a push. They need an instigator. Someone to get the ball rolling. We are scared, we have been hurt, we carry our baggage on our shoulders and we allow past events to dictate the future. Think back to when you were a child – did you base your decisions that you made on prior events or did you simply go with the flow – not looking back on the past and not looking ahead at the future, simply allowing things to take their natural course. If it ended badly, you moved on. Carefree, accepting the good and the bad but reveling more in the good experiences you had the privilege to have because you didn't withhold. You weren't scared of asking someone how they felt about you because you were afraid of their answer. You weren't afraid of approaching a stranger thinking you'd be rejected by them. You didn't refrain from something you wanted because previous experiences dictated that they may not be trustworthy. You took risks, you jumped out of planes without parachutes and look how much happier you were.

What's the worst that could happen? Someone "breaking your heart?" Yes it hurts, I know I've been there. It was the worst feeling in the world but I survived and despite the pain that accompanied the heartbreak I wouldn't to this day trade in all the good moments I had with that person to escape the pain. I'm reveling in the moments where I have never laughed harder, never smiled longer, never felt so loved and adored and never been happier. We always tend to reflect upon our past relationships by only examining the negative, never the positive. Even with emerging relationships, we only really discuss them with our friends when it is frustrating, confusing, and not going as planned. We obsess over the bad and let the good fly out of mind. Why? Do we enjoy tormenting ourselves?

I, more than most, have been guilty of this. Letting perfect opportunities to laugh, smile, and be happy walk away because I've let the past and future embed themselves in the present. But I have decided that I am now going to live in the present and the present alone. No longer am I going to make someone new pay for someone else's mistakes. Just because someone betrayed you in the past doesn't mean that everyone else will do it. Just because someone else broke your heart doesn't meant the next person that comes along will do the same. Just because one person lied to you does not mean everyone will. Give each new opportunity you are blessed with the privilege of having a clean slate. Try to allow that person to make their own mistakes and not be burdened with the mistakes of the people before them. Do not make them pay the price of what someone before them did to you. Don't take things at surface value. Don't be afraid to get to know someone before you judge them. Give them second chances when they step off the path. It takes awhile to get to truly know someone and just because they don't react the way you want or expect doesn't mean they are trying to deliberately hurt you. Most of the time, people aren't out to get you, they simply screw up. Don't deal out harsh penalties, think of when you were younger. You let people screw up and find themselves again without punishing them, without expecting them to be flawless. Stop worrying about getting hurt and start learning how to be happy, revel in the good moments and dismiss the bad.

I leave you with this story that I am borrowing from my friend, Brooke.

A Carrot, an Egg, and a Cup of Coffee

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity ... boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain when the water gets hot; it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

the irony of my love life

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

why emotions & sex don't mix

My best friend's a very smart woman. Wise beyond her years and it generally takes me screwing up a good deal to realize how incredibly right she is. She never blatantly tells me "I told you so" thus making me feel even worse for whatever horrible mistake I've just made. She at least allows me the dignity to come to those terms on my own, even if it takes awhile.

There are those who make their sentiments expressly known without any hope for subtlety and while I appreciate their blatant honesty, it is the understated tones of wisdom that my best friend provides that I find the most beneficial to coming to decisions which are only slightly prompted with her soothing yet honest words. Today was such a day.

We all fuck up. It's part of our nature. We fuck up and we hope, pray, that when we do there will be people there to catch us as we fall. She's always there. She was there when I first started talking to you, there when I vented my undying frustrations with you, there when I expressed my intense desire to not only strip you from my life but to hurt you as you hurt me. She was there, by my side, even when I went back and let you do it all over again, like a complete fool. She was there when I thought you had perhaps turned over a new leaf but you really hadn't instead you cost me more than I thought I would lose. Always wanting what I can't have and never appreciating what is there in front of my eyes.

She said you can't have sex without the emotions. She said it just doesn't work that way. Apparently she was right. Except that I thought I could. I thought I had, at least on some level but I suppose that once it becomes more than just a one night stand despite how much you try to deny yourself, how much you try to build up your wall so no one can think about penetrating your defenses, it happens.

All I was looking for was a good time and I ended up getting far more than I bargained for. I wanted something meaningless as harsh as that sounds. Instead, I got inundated with emotions on both sides, mine and theirs. And as foolish as I am, I chose the one who pushed me away, the challenge. My incessant need for a challenge. My incessant desire to always want that which I can not have. Overlooking that which was in front of my eyes. Foolish to think I could find people on that site and hope for fun times. So foolish to think that it could mean nothing. Foolish to think that my fantasies would be come reality.

Despite her quiet protests and valid points on why I should not be a fool yet again, I still somehow managed to screw it all up. Apparently you can't have your cake and eat it too. Life just wasn't meant to be that sweet. But we learn, at least hopefully we learn from our mistakes, and continue trudging on for you can't change what is the past you can only look forward to the future. So do I regret my decision? No because regretting something will never make it go away. I will take it with me as a life lesson. If nothing else it has forced me into a decision. Why I ever thought this way would work when nothing before it ever has is beyond me. It's just another way to trick you into feeling something, another way to trick you into getting hurt because as my ever wise friend said "there can be no sex without emotion."

grow some balls ladies

"I love this man, and have for many years. He has told me that he loves me and yet we have never truly been in a relationship. He got his serious girlfriend pregnant recently and they are due for a little boy. Last night he asked me to be the other woman. I dont know what to do. I want to, but i dont know if i can deal with the emotional side of things. Can I do this with knowing how i would feel if the roles were reversed?"

We all know these women, have been these women, or have simply read about these women for they are everywhere. Women whose self-image has sunken so far into the abyss that the only confidence they now boast comes from being the "other woman." These are the sad women who pathetically cry out because "no one loves them" yet they remain in a "relationship" (if you can even call it that) with a man who is already emotionally taken in the hopes that maybe someday he will leave his wife for me.

While I am certainly not an advocate for cheating, I am certainly a huge advocate for honesty. If you are the other woman for a man who has been completely honest with his wife about your relationship and you have been honest with yourself about what you will and will not get out of your relationship with him emotionally, sexually, and financially then by all means play on. But if you are a woman who has to hide in the shadows, always meeting in stray hotel rooms for late night encounters grow some balls and move on.

"Im currently in the position of the other woman.He has a girlfriend and a baby with her(an accident),is miserable and says he is madly in love with me.Hes divorced and has a boy with his ex wife and is 20 years older.regardless i love him more than i thought possible.The hurt and the pain we are going to cause plays on my mind everyday."

It is women like this who make women like me frustrated as hell and I am ashamed to have these women in the same league as myself. If you are not strong enough to realize your own self-value and worth then perhaps you do deserve to be strung up in this man's web conveniently available whenever he desires and conveniently forgettable as he desires.

Honestly, how can you love someone who treats you as their backup? Someone who uses you more for your convenience rather than for your witty and bubbly personality. As women we deserve to be treated with respect and kindness not indifference and feigned interest. Grow a pair why don't you and move on.

playing with boys

As a girl growing up, you learn one fundamental lesson: girls play with dolls while boys play with balls (not their own mind you). While social restrictions are changing in favor of girls putting Barbie on the backburner and participating in sports and other activities to promote independence, strength and competitiveness, it seems there will never be the general acceptance for girls to engage in these activities as there is for boys. As we get older, while we are no longer expected to brush our favorite dolls hair, we are expected to still maintain an air of propriety while the boys come home disheveled from a day of romping outdoors with clearly no regard for appropriate behavior. But this is accepted. And so it continues onward as we get older. Exchanging one societal pressure for another.

As women, we are expected to constantly maintain a flawless appearance but yet not be high maintenance or take the necessary time to achieve said flawlessness. Men claim they want no frills, low maintenance women but also want us to always look our best so they can brag to their friends about how beautiful their girlfriend is. Apparently we are to magically transform ourselves into celebrity beauty without taking the necessary five hours of primping they undergo to look as beautiful as they do. What high expectations they have of us.

Expectations increase even further when entering into the realm of sports. Men don't want a strong athlete woman who can beat them in sports nor do they want a woman who is so non-athletic that she ducks when a ball comes her way to avoid breaking a nail. So the compromise I suppose is to be a strong athlete woman who looks like the non-athletic high maintenance woman. If you are too good at sports you become one of the boys. If you are not good enough you simply don't get to play.

When will the day come that men will learn to appreciate the strong, independent woman. The one whose beauty does not simply lie in the flawlessness of her skin? Are emotions so fickle that they can not see past what is on the outside? Social pressure is slowly wavering and women are growing up stronger and more independent than ever before. We are no longer placid, dainty creatures who thrive on the happiness of our man. The 50s housewife is extinct. When will the desires of men sway to accommodate the new beauty that women possess?

the sun is out & the clothes are off

As the temperature heats up, the clothes start coming off. Sexuality and lust ooze from our pores as we strip off the jeans and sweaters for short minis and barely there tanks. It is no wonder there was once a 'Summer of Love' as opposed to a winter. Hormones that were seemingly laying dormant throughout the winter and spring have become overzealous in their lustful and sinful desires.

At the 4th of July party I attended this year nothing could be more true. Despite the overcast weather, everyone still sported minimalist clothing, partially for the intensely humid Florida weather but primarily to flaunt deeply tanned and toned skin as a peacock flaunts his alluring feathers. It is no wonder that by the end of the evening you saw "couples" scampering off together or random make out sessions between nameless strangers.

Does the heat of summer also bring with it an increase in our sexual appetite and voracity? Is it the scantily clad and revealing skin that sends blood rushing through our bodies? What is it about summer that makes it a time when everyone seems to get lucky?

Throughout the years I've noticed an odd trend of summer flings and winter relationships. The hot confines of summer seem to propel us all into a sexual frenzy where committment free attachments are made for a few glorious hours. In the dull greyness of winter however we seem to have a fear of being alone throughout the holidays and seek out someone to fulfill our relationship needs only to dispose of them the following spring in preparation for another summer of "love." What is it about the varying seasonal changes that makes our relationship needs vary as much as the weather itself. Seeking a meaninful relationship one season only to be followed by seeking a meaningful bout of sex the next. Are we inherently designed to seek these two counterparts as the seasons change from blistering heat to blistering cold?

shoved into popularity

I'm overwhelmed at the moment. Inundated by emails and winks and messages from random guys from various websites and calls at odd hours asking what I am doing. It's all too much for a girl to handle and to think two weeks ago I was basically non-existant to the opposite sex. It's odd how in one moment you go from no light to spotlight. In the past two weeks while one particular aspect of my life has gone significantly downhill the other parts have been thrust into a nice little utopian place. And yet, despite all the good fortune I have been having recently, I still find myself craving that which I can not have.

Last week I became enlightened about certain things that I find immensely pleasurable and yet I can not have them return. Not without trying out a bunch of new men which is the equivalent to finding the perfect pair of size eleven shoes to go with a hot new dress. It's just far too time-consuming and difficult. While I have other guys ringing my phone and messaging me, it is the one that got away that I am craving. Perhaps not for the socially right reasons but I can not help my weakness, for that is what it truly is. I know that just a word would make my his little love slave despite my better judgement. But I suppose we all have our weaknesses with the opposite sex. And he, well, he has the "look." Or that is how I deem it. Not able to truly express it in words, it is just something that I can not stray from. Once before I met a guy that turned me into this sad and pathetic addicted girl. Not addicted in a necessarily bad way as I didn't let him burn my emotions but despite knowing he wasn't wholeheartedly good for me I found myself returning to his embrace again and again.

So what do you do when all that will satiate your appetite is that which you can not have? Do you continue on trying out new men as you would pairs of shoes in the store or do you simply continue to crave your forbidden apple?

lessons learned & lost

Through a series of misfortunate and, at the time, fortunate events this week, I gained a better understanding of some of pleasures life can afford while still remaining that ever consistant double-edged sword bringing swift cruelty in its wake. A certain curiosity I have faithfully been enduring for the past few years - continually wondering, continually questioning - has finally been quenched. That satisfaction has come with a hefty price. As I reflect back upon the series of events, I wonder if gaining new insight into my hearts desire was worth the price I had to pay.

While I maintain a steadfast 'no regrets' policy on life, I must sometimes question, mimicking the "better to have loved and lost" riddle, is it better to have learned and been burned or never have learned at all. Would I be the worse for wear today, had the experience not culminated into what it did? Reflecting back was it something I had to learn about myself despite the painfully addictive quality it brought about with dark questions bubbling to the surface. Am I now farther lost in the abyss of jade and cynicism, a place where trust can never be restored? While a new conciousness was brought to light on one certain pleasurable aspect of my life, other, less pleasurable thoughts were further reinstated in my mind. Their hold taking a tighter rein.

As you deal with fate's cruel hands, can you simply let go? As one rocky river flows into the next, leaving you bumped and bruised, can you allow the bumps and bruises life has afforded you to vanish and start new or do you simply wallow in those fleeting moments where everything felt so good, where pain and pleasure mixed to create the utopian place you have always sought?

are we merely deceiving ourselves?

Every Thursday as I drive to class I always seem to chance upon a particular radio show titled "War of the Roses." The purpose is for people, primarily women it seems, to attempt to catch their significant other sending flowers to another person thus indicating their unfaithfulness in the relationship. This is how it always seems to play out. A woman calls in, describes her situation to the dj, in turn he calls up the guy and tells him he has been chosen to have flowers delivered for free to anyone he chooses. This usually is where the guy ends up wanting to send them to some other woman, usually with a message further indicating his unfaithfulness. Today as I listened to the "couple" bickering over the radio about how she couldn't fulfill his needs and how he wasn't man enough to be honest, I started thinking about the whole idea behind monogamous relationships and why we seem to kid ourselves into believing they actually work.
I look around and see an overwhelming number of relationships failing instead of succeeding and I am not judging success by marriage versus divorce because it goes back to the age old saying, "You can't judge a book by its cover." I know plenty of couples who could possibly benefit more from divorce than remaining together. Now granted I'm not saying that all relationships are doomed to failure but in what other aspect would we continue to fail time and time again and still attempt a seemingly impossible feat. In what other aspect would we watch those around us continue to endure hardships and failures and then believe our outcome could possibly be different.
Why do we put so much value in monogamous relationships. Given the amount of divorce and failed relationships, isn't it becoming increasingly apparent that perhaps we weren't meant to spend our lifetime with just one person. Perhaps we are allowed more. I've given up on the whole idealistic notion of soul mates. Be realistic. Look at the relationships around you and the experiences you have been subjected to. I truly don't believe one person can make us happy and satisfy all of our needs. Not with out much compromise and giving up some of the foundation that makes you who you are.
Everyone wants to be happy. But what happiness can be found when you are forced to lose part of yourself? Why not embrace all of you. Embrace it with many people. A variety who can appreciate you for who you, all of you. I am in no way advocating cheating in the general sense of the term. I am advocating relationships where it is okay to form additional relationships to satisfy those desires which one person can not provide but let them be relationships that are expressed to your partners whether they be friends or lovers. No more secrecy but honesty.
Take a good look. Can you truly say that monogamy is the way to go? If it is, then why do so many people cheat, lie, deceive and still love one but yet seek out another to fulfill additional desires?

the downfall of the nba

Perhaps I have been spending far too much time investing in my Tarheels basketball team because as I sit watching the Magic play tonight I realized I was quite disappointed. Remarkably so actually. It's like the passion fades away as they get paid millions of dollars to play a sport, a sport which they once lived for. Their passion, heart and voracious appetite for the game has seemingly disappeared. Apparently getting paid more money than most of us will see in our lifetime isn't tempting enough. It isn't enough to play at a 100% all of the time. It's discouraging. For half of what some of these guys make I would gladly give my job my all day in and day out.
Watching them was truly an awakening. Half the time the guys stood around and forget sprinting from one end of the court to the other. That was beyond a joke. Perhaps I am a bit jaded since the last basketball game I watched was Carolina squashing Duke. You could see both teams giving it their all in hopes of success. In the last 14 seconds of the game Hansbourgh's nose was broken because two Duke players were going up so fiercely to block him in spite of a 14 point gap in the score. Now that is heart and soul for a game.
Sure Orlando scored 99 points and won by about 20 but that doesn't mean anything when your players forget why they are there in the first place. Is it truly about money. I know this world revolves around so much of it, I just find it hard to imagine losing your love for the game. And if you do still truly love the game then show it. There are countless others who would give anything to take your place. To be adored, to become a role model, to have a shot at a better life. Not to just half-ass it. Step up and play the game the way we all know you can.

thriving on the genetic lottery

We thrive on image. To be truly beautiful according to today's social regulations is to be among the elite. Living in a fast food nation, those of us who haven't won the genetic lottery are at a severe loss. Each year millions of people resolve to lose weight as their New Year's resolution. In an ideal world, this resolution would be founded strictly upon the principles of living a healthier lifestyle but how many of us out there actually resolve to lose weight because we are truly concerned about diabetes and heart disease, the number one killer of Americans. We aren't making this resolution because we fear a heart attack, we make this resolution because we fear what society will think of us as our waist line continues to expand. In a day in age where image means everything, how do you survive when you find yourself in the shallow end of the gene pool?
To combat the increasing obesity prevalent at my company, our HR department has given the employees an incentive to shed those unwanted pounds and adopt a healthier lifestyle. They have deemed this their Biggest Loser competition. To date there are 70 out of 500 people signed up to particpate. I wonder how many are vowing to live healthy because they are truly concerned with their health. Granted 70 out of 500 people is not that many, especially when out of our office of 100 people there are probably 10 who could afford to bypass this program. Unless you have a metabolism that is incredibly overactive or amazing discipline, how can you not be overweight when it's cheaper to buy the burger, fries, and coke than a healthier alternative. Our nation has made it too easy for us to remain fat.
In olden times, a bit of extra weight was seen as healthy and beautiful whereas today you are seen as slovenly and sub-par. If you disagree, look at everything that caters to the thin. You can hardly shop in a mall store today unless you pass their "you must be this thin" to enter regulation. Television and radio bombard us with advertisements about weight loss programs, quick fix solutions with liposuction and surgeries, and discounted gym memberships. But why not combat the overwhelming over-sized portions in restaurants or artery clogging fast food? Why not combat the problem before it hits your waistline? Even when grocery shopping, you'll find it is far easier to purchase the tasteful, yet fattening, food items than the healthy alternatives. So we're not only making it easier to be fat, we're also making it cheaper.
With the pressure to be thin and beautiful squeezing down on us, you have to wonder: is it better to be a tad overweight but able to enjoy sensational food or thin and starving?