27 February 2008

on being the undatable sex kitten

'I have never, nor will I ever behave myself in the bedroom. I will always be very, very bad. And I will most definitely behave like a whore.' (sexkitten)

'We want a nasty porn chick, but we want her to be our nasty porn chick since we can't handle the thought of her being some other guy's nasty porn chick before us' (the mad goat). This is what no one told you about being a sex kitten. The unwritten, untold double standard men hold women to sexually where as a woman you must choose between fulfilling your own sexual fantasies or having a relationship. What is a girl to do? If you are sexually restrained you get to wear the white dress down the aisle but have missionary sex the rest of your life as you raise your children or you get to be the vivacious sex siren fulfilling all your sexual desires at the cost of possibly never having a meaningful relationship. How do you choose your fate?

It's become apparent that while men claim they want a lady in the street and a freak in the bedroom that what they really want is a freak to the extent that it does impede upon their perception of the woman as a wholesome motherly figure. According to Mental on why men don't date sex kittens he says, "[men] view the women who would fulfill all their sexual fantasies as trashy, unworthy to be more than someone they can abuse, slut out if you will. The woman they marry, give their undying love to before God, friends and family, they will not allow this woman to do anything close to the realm of fantasy." So basically as a woman you get to be a sex kitten or a mother but never both.

But then you stumble upon a point that Dan, the Gentleman of Leisure makes in his blog about men watching kinky hardcore porn and after having a taste of it desiring it for life. Dan claims that after having a taste of the kinky life "you want the ole' girl next door to date in order to complete your life and fulfill some bullshit fantasy you had as a child. Marriage, white picket fence, kids, etc…The kind of lady who cooks and cleans for you, and still has a job to make a nice life for yourselves. But you can't see doing nasty shit to these chicks because of the illusion of them being motherly and wholesome is gone. Straight, up and down, missionary sex is the norm here…But you've seen what could be out there. You need the girls, the women who like it hardcore. These aren't the marrying types, no sir." How do you reconcile these desires men if you can't have both? Or do you try by cheating?

As a woman do you have to compromise your sexual desires to appear wholesome enough to date? As a sex kitten do you have to forfeit any idea of a relationship or marriage because you aren't dating material?

For women like myself who openly embrace their sexuality and kinky adventurous side, are we to give up on the notion of our happily-ever-after unless we want to forfeit our phenomenal sex life?

Does having a high sex drive and a strong desire for a taboo lifestyle cancel out every other quality a sex kitten brings to the table?

Should we be punished for enjoying sex as much as men? Sure, we can have all the wild crazy sex we want but at what cost?

Do we have to forfeit any chance at a relationship in order to quench our sexual thirst?

I am not worthy of having a boyfriend because I openly admit and express my love of sex. And not just any sex but hardcore, kinky taboo sex. The kind of mind blowing sex that leaves you fantasizing for years afterward. Forget that I am kind and compassionate. Forget about my intellect and ambition. Forget my passion, sense of humor, loyalty and honesty. Forget about my ability to love and be faithful. Forget about all my other wonderful characteristics that make me who I am. Forget about all I have to offer. Forget them all because I embrace my sexuality and apparently that outranks everything else and makes me nothing but a common whore at your disposal. I am not worthy of meeting your mother because you are not secure enough to handle my sexuality.

So go ahead, date your pathetic prude of a girlfriend. You know the one who can't hold a conversation, the one who has nothing in common with you, the one who is your doormat but apparently mother approved. Run off with her, the wholesome prude who can meet mom and lie on her back like a good doormat so you pound her missionary style for the rest of your life. Just don't come complaining to me when your cock forgets how to work, when you forget what it means to actually have a passionate, intriguing, stimulating and adoring girlfriend, when you forget some of the things that love is really about.


21 February 2008

dating the sexually challenged

"We want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed."

It's quite obvious and certainly makes sense that men love sexy women and, even moreso, sexy women who are secretly sex kittens. What doesn't make sense, though, is why men date women who are the opposite of their desires?

According to an article, What Men Want, on Aspirenow.com by founder, Scott Andrews, a man's number two need is "consistent, frequent, passionate sex (or hot sex)." Andrews writes that men want a woman with a bit of a lusty animal side in bed and that a woman who is more vocal in bed and carries the attitude that goes with it is likely to get a lot back since men bond through physical connection. If this truly is what men want, then why am I bombarded with men who date women who are the exact opposite whom they constantly complain about while they, in turn, degrade the perfect sex kitten for being sexually liberated?

After posting the blog, How to Keep Your Man on a Faithfully Tight Leash, comments and messages flooded in, all with the exact same premise. 'I wish there was a way to relay this information to my wife/girlfriend.' Basically, how can I convert my prude of a woman into a confident sex kitten? Why do men find themselves getting into relationships with prudish women only to thus complain to the sex kittens they so conveniently pushed aside?

Men, you end up with sex-withholding, unadventurous women because you only see the sex kittens as booty calls. The women who are more than willing to fulfill your every sexual desire you only see as a sexual convenience, despite all their other admirable personality traits. A friend of mine, in his response to the blog Playing by Numbers, wrote, "The way I look at it the girl who only has been with 3 or 4 guys I want to take home to meet my parents. But the one I want to spend the night with is the more experienced and adventurous one." Why can't the girl you want to spend the night with be the one you take home to meet your mother? In about 2 to 3 months, when the 'meet the parents girl' finally does satisfy your sexually urge momentarily, you'll be complaining to me about the abundant lack of sex in the relationship.

Including myself, I know of at least four women, off the top of my head, who are almost always single yet are ladies in the street and sex kittens in the bedroom. Are we single simply because we are sexually liberated, sexually adventurous and open? None of us have any flaws that should be deterring men from desiring to date us aside from the fact that we all love sex and apparently those are not the type of girls you bring home to mom. Instead you just bitch to dad about how your current girlfriend doesn't ever put out. We are the girls who are good enough to be booty calls and then good enough to come whining to when you want to cheat on your current girlfriend because she wouldn't know your cock if you smacked her on the forehead with it.

You wonder why your relationship lacks sexual luster when you date girls with the beliefs like the following two women featured on AskMen.com. J claims "sex isn't that important. After all, what's sex going to do for a couple if they're not compatible? My boyfriend and I experiment and have sex very often now, but once we're married sex will definitely take a backseat to more important issues." Or, a woman who believes and says, "I hate oral sex. I think that it is the grossest thing in the world. I gag at the thought of having a penis in my mouth. But my boyfriend is cool with it."

The 2004 survey done by ABC News Primetime Live concluded that "people who report more partners are more sexually adventurous and enjoy sex a great deal." Are you seriously going to fault women for having the same desires as you and who are openly willing to express said desires? These girls, the ones that you view as only booty calls, the ones who can and will fulfill all your sexual desires, want what all other women want, we just have your sex drive as well. We are still worthy of meeting your mother. Yet we are degraded for giving you exactly what you want. If we close are legs, we are prudes. If we open our legs too soon we are sluts. Peter Rodrigues on a msypace dating forum states, "we all like women that like to have sex. Bottomline. Men are easily bored after hitting the same thing time and time again. They like variety and they like to be entertained." If this is true, why do you choose to date the women who give you the exact opposite while faulting the sex kittens?

playing by numbers

In one case, twelve is seen as promiscuity and in another case it is simply viewed as successful experience. How much do you judge someone based upon their sexual stats?

At what point does a number cross from acceptable to 'too promiscuous for my tastes?" In one forum that discussed the issue of sexual partners, anything over double digits was taboo whereas in another discussion men and women were openly willing to accept partners with high sexual statistics. 67Comet's response about whether the number should be revealed was, "YES. I am old enough to know I like a woman that 'has been around a bit.' Experience = a better sex partner in my book;" whereas Guruji said "practice makes perfect but there's no need to divulge where you practiced it. If you're good at what you do, your partner should be happy. The short answer is NO!."

While there are apparently some who seem to be enlightened enough to not condone someone for their sexual adventures, most people, especially women, seem to worry about the prevalent, or perceived, double standard in society that praises men for being successful with women and demeans and labels women who are sexually successful with men. Perhaps this would account for men claiming to have 2-4 times as many sexual partner's as women. Are men lying to inflate their sexual reputation while women downplay their numbers to not be seen as a 'slut?'

In a 2004 survey by ABC News Primetime Live, they found that 42% of Americans consider themselves sexually adventurous, 29% have had sex on the first date, men and women almost equally have had 'rebound' sex to get over a failed relationship but women overrall report 6 total sexual partners to a man's 20. While the median for women is actually three and for men eight, these numbers are higher due to the five percent of men and one percent of women who have had over 99 sexual partners. Do these high numbers represent sluts and players or sexually liberated individuals who are in tune with their sexual wants?

I questioned a good friend of mine on what he thought of a man who had at least 20 different sexual partners and his reply was that he would think "nothing because I've had at least 20 women." When the same question was asked but altered to a woman with 20 different partners his response changed to his belief that she was a slut and that "bitches should only fuck up to five guys then stop til they get married. But even 5 guys isn't pure. Guys have to spread their seed. It's good for humanity. Women go whorin around and it fucks shit up." Granted his latter response was a joke but it still illustrates the apparent double standard that men are allowed to be promiscuous and women are not.

Are we still living in a time when men are praised for sexual activity and women are expected to be pure and virginal? Should your past actions only be between you and your conscious and not open for public debate? While all we really need to know is if our partner's are disease free as a number doesn't reveal any greater truth's about a person, are we still concerned about the number game?

Do you judge others by a different standard than you judge yourself? Do you have a limitation on how many sexual partners you are willing to accept from your partner or do you believe what's in the past should remain in the past?