21 February 2008

playing by numbers

In one case, twelve is seen as promiscuity and in another case it is simply viewed as successful experience. How much do you judge someone based upon their sexual stats?

At what point does a number cross from acceptable to 'too promiscuous for my tastes?" In one forum that discussed the issue of sexual partners, anything over double digits was taboo whereas in another discussion men and women were openly willing to accept partners with high sexual statistics. 67Comet's response about whether the number should be revealed was, "YES. I am old enough to know I like a woman that 'has been around a bit.' Experience = a better sex partner in my book;" whereas Guruji said "practice makes perfect but there's no need to divulge where you practiced it. If you're good at what you do, your partner should be happy. The short answer is NO!."

While there are apparently some who seem to be enlightened enough to not condone someone for their sexual adventures, most people, especially women, seem to worry about the prevalent, or perceived, double standard in society that praises men for being successful with women and demeans and labels women who are sexually successful with men. Perhaps this would account for men claiming to have 2-4 times as many sexual partner's as women. Are men lying to inflate their sexual reputation while women downplay their numbers to not be seen as a 'slut?'

In a 2004 survey by ABC News Primetime Live, they found that 42% of Americans consider themselves sexually adventurous, 29% have had sex on the first date, men and women almost equally have had 'rebound' sex to get over a failed relationship but women overrall report 6 total sexual partners to a man's 20. While the median for women is actually three and for men eight, these numbers are higher due to the five percent of men and one percent of women who have had over 99 sexual partners. Do these high numbers represent sluts and players or sexually liberated individuals who are in tune with their sexual wants?

I questioned a good friend of mine on what he thought of a man who had at least 20 different sexual partners and his reply was that he would think "nothing because I've had at least 20 women." When the same question was asked but altered to a woman with 20 different partners his response changed to his belief that she was a slut and that "bitches should only fuck up to five guys then stop til they get married. But even 5 guys isn't pure. Guys have to spread their seed. It's good for humanity. Women go whorin around and it fucks shit up." Granted his latter response was a joke but it still illustrates the apparent double standard that men are allowed to be promiscuous and women are not.

Are we still living in a time when men are praised for sexual activity and women are expected to be pure and virginal? Should your past actions only be between you and your conscious and not open for public debate? While all we really need to know is if our partner's are disease free as a number doesn't reveal any greater truth's about a person, are we still concerned about the number game?

Do you judge others by a different standard than you judge yourself? Do you have a limitation on how many sexual partners you are willing to accept from your partner or do you believe what's in the past should remain in the past?

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