lessons learned & lost

Through a series of misfortunate and, at the time, fortunate events this week, I gained a better understanding of some of pleasures life can afford while still remaining that ever consistant double-edged sword bringing swift cruelty in its wake. A certain curiosity I have faithfully been enduring for the past few years - continually wondering, continually questioning - has finally been quenched. That satisfaction has come with a hefty price. As I reflect back upon the series of events, I wonder if gaining new insight into my hearts desire was worth the price I had to pay.

While I maintain a steadfast 'no regrets' policy on life, I must sometimes question, mimicking the "better to have loved and lost" riddle, is it better to have learned and been burned or never have learned at all. Would I be the worse for wear today, had the experience not culminated into what it did? Reflecting back was it something I had to learn about myself despite the painfully addictive quality it brought about with dark questions bubbling to the surface. Am I now farther lost in the abyss of jade and cynicism, a place where trust can never be restored? While a new conciousness was brought to light on one certain pleasurable aspect of my life, other, less pleasurable thoughts were further reinstated in my mind. Their hold taking a tighter rein.

As you deal with fate's cruel hands, can you simply let go? As one rocky river flows into the next, leaving you bumped and bruised, can you allow the bumps and bruises life has afforded you to vanish and start new or do you simply wallow in those fleeting moments where everything felt so good, where pain and pleasure mixed to create the utopian place you have always sought?