secretly, we are all sexual deviants

"Rabat, Morocco. Every evening Amal the octopus vendor looks on as sin returns to his beach. It arrives in the form of handholding couples who hide behind the tall, castle-like quay walls in the city's harbor district to steal a few clandestine kisses. Some perform balancing acts on slippery rocks and seaweed to secure a spot close to the Atlantic Ocean and cuddle in the dim evening light. The air tastes of salt and hashish. On some mornings, when Amal finds used condoms on the beach, he wishes that these depraved, shameless sinners -- who aren't even married, he says -- would roast in hell." (Sex and Taboos in the Islamic World)

In a time where sexual liberation confronts centuries of prudish conservatism in a death match fit for the ages, how do the sexually liberated, sexually free, sexually taboo present themselves in a society that clearly condemns their behavior as freakish, unpleasant, unnatural, sinful, violent, problematic, and sexually abnormal. And when even they, the believers and desirers of these sexually taboo fantasies, are so reluctant to admit, even to one another, for fear of being seen as odd, strange, perverted, abnormal, or a sexual deviant, their own sexual fantasies. How do you embrace that which you sexually desire in a society that anything straying too far from missionary in a marriage?

Are our Puritan roots still strongly at play?

In the 1600s when Puritans ruled England death was decreed for adultery. Until recently, as a result of tremendous church pressure, nearly every state in the US had Old Testament-style laws against 'fornication' and 'sodomy.' And it wasn't until 1972 that the US finally allowed married couples to purchase birth control. Scholar Ray Tannahill claims that early Christian leaders made sex and sin synonymous. Surely that is no shock as Western religions have spent millennia inflicting shame, guilt, repression and punishment upon human sexuality. And yet, in 1996, according to the US News & World Report, Americans spent $8 billion on hard-core videos, live sex acts, adult cable programming, sexual devices, computer porn and sex magazines. Clearly we are all sexually starved but the American clergy strive to censor sex from public media yet little objection is made to a movie with violent gore and excessive murders but a mere glimpse of a woman's nipple and all hell breaks loose.

Given all the hullabaloo about Janet's nipple sneaking a peek at the Super Bowl a few years ago, is it any wonder why the world of fetish and S&M is still so misunderstood and feared?

Tell a vanilla about your love of spankings, of latex, of the thrill and arousal from being choked, of taking control over another, of the desire to be humilitated and watch the sheer atrocity of it all slowly spread across their face like a wild fire. We live in a society that believes it is sexually liberated, and yes, compared to some cultures, like Islamic cultures, we are far more sexually liberated but it only is as long as you consider missionary sex with less than ten partners in your lifetime liberating. Yes, we have come to generally accept sex outside of marriage. Yes, we have started to accept interracial couples and slight fetishes. No, we are not mutilating women to keep them from being sexually active or forcing women to cover their body for fear of the effect they will have on men like some cultures. But as The Ethical Slut states, "so much of our culture is based on shame about sex. The oppression of women, of cultural minorities, oppression in the name of the (presumably asexual) family, and oppression of sexual minorities. We are all oppressed. We have all been taught, one way or another, that our desires, our sexualities, are shameful."

Why is it that we must continue to live in sexual secrecy? We either must pretend to be someone we are not, maintain secrecy about our sexual desires, never have the courage to bear our sexual fantasies, or be shunned and condemned for our true sexual liberation. Our ability to openly embrace our sexuality. Our ideals of freedom come with limitations when it comes to sex. While we generally are a tolerant country, our tolerance does not spread equally among all variants of the human sphere. Sex maintains to be one of the greatest taboos of our civilization, that is unless perhaps you are married and practicing your missionary techniques.

In an article by Erwin J. Haeberle, he states "It is therefore hardly surprising to find that the celebrated "Universal Declaration of Human Rights" says nothing about people's right to control their own bodies. The document only cites the "right to marry and to found a family" and to choose one's marriage partner freely (Article 16). There is no mention of a right to sex education or sexual fulfillment, the right to free choice of a sexual partner or type of sexual activity, a right to contraception or abortion. Nor is this merely an oversight. Unfortunately, there is little doubt that even today the General Assembly of the United Nations would overwhelmingly reject any official declaration which dared to affirm these rights. Too many member states still consider sex legitimate only within marriage and for the purpose of procreation."

Is it truly any wonder that we are still so sexually restricted? In an age where everything in the media is perpetuated by sex, we still can not only embrace or indulge our own fantasies. We must seek them out secretly for fear of being labeled in a negative light.

As a sexual deviant, how do you cope with the pressures and limitations society puts upon you? If you prefer a more vanilla lifestyle, what is your stance on those who do enjoy a little pain or other sexual fetish? Who do you blame for societies limited perspective on sexual acceptance?