From the moment we are born til the moment we die, we are constantly reminded that two is better than one. Two heads are better than one. A pair of aces beats a single ace. There are all those buy one, get one free sales. Double features, two for one, the idea of a dynamic duo and then there are relationships. Over time, the notion of feeling complete through a relationship becomes so ingrained into our mindset that you can not help but feel you are better with someone than without. Until you have a significant other, you are meaningless. Any movie or story only embeds this notion further because they all revolve around the ever-present love story. Neither character can be complete until they find their “missing half.” Jerry McGuire said it best with, “you complete me.”
Often I find myself being asked, “Why are you single?” For me, this is the most loathed question of all. It can be both a compliment and insult rolled into one. Compliment if the person asking believes you to be such a catch that they are shocked you do not have someone devotedly attached to you. But, on the other hand, it could be an insult if it implies you have a flaw that has yet to be discovered. And since any respectable person would surely want to be permanently attached to someone else, this person simply wants to cut to the chase and find out what your flaw is. I get asked this demeaning question frequently, perhaps implying that I am a “catch,” yet I don’t have suitors begging to be with me. Do people really want you to answer this question truthfully? Here is my answer, “I am single because I choose to be, not because no one wants me.” While I may not have a line outside my door, I do have offers. They are just not good enough offers. I refuse to lower my standards on what I want simply because social standards demand that I have a significant other.
Has anyone ever thought of all the advantages of being single or all we all so brainwashed that we can only think of happiness and completeness in terms of a relationship? Why do we make being single sound like a deadly disease? Being single may not always be a picnic but I would far rather sleep alone than alone with someone lying next to me. Why do we never ask, “Why are you in a relationship?” This question would prove far more difficult to answer, at least honestly. Why do we only question those who are single? Why is it that only us poor single folk get the pity glances when we say “table for one” and the awful interrogations as to why we have not settled down with someone? Why is it unacceptable to be happy and single but quite alright to be lonely and depressed but in a relationship?
Why is it that we look at our value as being directly proportionate to whether or not we are currently in a relationship? Why can’t we ever be complete alone? As the saying goes, “no man is an island,” but I do believe man can be self-sustaining and whole without relying on someone else to make him happy. Why do we look to others to makes our lives seem meaningful? Dig deeper within yourself and find true happiness with who you are rather than who you are with. We define ourselves; we are not defined by our “significant” other. Only when you find happiness with who you are can you ever truly find happiness with someone else. There is nothing wrong with being single. There is, however, something wrong with being in a meaningless relationship just for the sake of feeling falsely complete.
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