cerberus

In Greek mythology, Cerberus was the 3-headed watchdog guarding the entrance into Hades. Permitting only new spirits to enter the realm of the dead and allowing none to leave. Only a few managed to ever sneak by his defenses. Is that how we operate? With an internal Cerberus that lies deep within us all? A watchdog who guards our emotions, thoughts, vulnerability and heart from all those around us? A watchdog who allows only more heartbreak and tears and disappointments enter. One who swallows all our love and keeps it locked away. One who only the most clever can slip past.

When we arrive in this world, we are free and untainted. We give of ourselves freely to others. But at some point we start to hold back. As the hurt, pain and emotional scaring build up during our life we lock it all away. We withdrawl. Only those who have known us since we were young are able to deceive Cerberus. Each relationship we enter brings new hope but first you must also surpass all other failings from the previous ones. Once you have been tainted, you can never go back. In a relationship, you must first make up for someone else's wrong-doing before you can ever truly be let in. The first time you become disappointed by someone you are tainted. From then on out your wall begins to build. Slowly stacking rock upon rock as each person passes through your life letting you down.

We build walls. Impenetrable walls around ourselves. We believe these are to keep others out but are they really there to keep ourself locked in. Tucked away. Safe from harm. Safe from more scars. Is it better to have loved and lost than to never love at all? Is it better to find love or be in love even if that person doesn't reciprocate? Would you rather spend your life single but free from additional scars or would you want to throw yourself out there, without the walls, and experience love in all its grandor but also all its misery.

But how long can you take being disappointed in others? How long can you continue to have your heart-broken, feel betrayed, or feel used before it is too much? Is there a certain amount of pain we can endure before it is too much and we shrink back into our shells? How much is too much?

Our barriers lock us in. As much as they keep others out, they keep us locked away. Locked away from pain and misery but consequently also from happiness and love. Does happiness come in the form of living free and not worrying about how many times you are let down or is happiness found in protecting yourself from disappointment, heart-ache, tears and pain? You only live once. Do you want your life to be full of exreme happiness with bits of pain sprinkled in or one with mediocre happiness and almost no pain. Are you more afraid of loving too much or not loving enough?