Each year we resign ourselves to determining a new year's resolution which we, at least for new year's eve night, promise to abide by whether it be losing weight, giving up soda, refraining from the frequenting fast food, waking up early every day, etc... Certain years we make these resolutions with total determination to see it through for an entire year. Other times we simply vow to abide by this resolution because we know it something we should currently be doing without a new year pressuring us into committing to it.
As we embark upon this new year, I've had a few realizations within the past month. First, and most importantly, I turn 25 this year. And to my own severe disappointment, I am not quite where I wanted to be at 25. Every day feels the same. While I'm not incredibly overjoyed with my job, I am at least somewhat content. I have too much debt partnered with too much weight and not enough happy moments. Secondly, I need to change my lifestyle or I'm going to continue on this present path of mine which I am not too thrilled about. So this year as my new year's resolution, I resolve to get my life on the right track.
2006 consisted of a lot of poor decisions coupled with a lot of life experiences. This year I resolve to figure out a career path and a life path and actively seek it. Of course, as part of my resolution, weight loss is included but is not my sole resolution since I have tried that in the past without much success. I'm also going to figure out my next move as far as career and location is concerned and go after both. So here's to a new year full of endless possibilities.
30 December 2006
20 December 2006
cerberus
In Greek mythology, Cerberus was the 3-headed watchdog guarding the entrance into Hades. Permitting only new spirits to enter the realm of the dead and allowing none to leave. Only a few managed to ever sneak by his defenses. Is that how we operate? With an internal Cerberus that lies deep within us all? A watchdog who guards our emotions, thoughts, vulnerability and heart from all those around us? A watchdog who allows only more heartbreak and tears and disappointments enter. One who swallows all our love and keeps it locked away. One who only the most clever can slip past.
When we arrive in this world, we are free and untainted. We give of ourselves freely to others. But at some point we start to hold back. As the hurt, pain and emotional scaring build up during our life we lock it all away. We withdrawl. Only those who have known us since we were young are able to deceive Cerberus. Each relationship we enter brings new hope but first you must also surpass all other failings from the previous ones. Once you have been tainted, you can never go back. In a relationship, you must first make up for someone else's wrong-doing before you can ever truly be let in. The first time you become disappointed by someone you are tainted. From then on out your wall begins to build. Slowly stacking rock upon rock as each person passes through your life letting you down.
We build walls. Impenetrable walls around ourselves. We believe these are to keep others out but are they really there to keep ourself locked in. Tucked away. Safe from harm. Safe from more scars. Is it better to have loved and lost than to never love at all? Is it better to find love or be in love even if that person doesn't reciprocate? Would you rather spend your life single but free from additional scars or would you want to throw yourself out there, without the walls, and experience love in all its grandor but also all its misery.
But how long can you take being disappointed in others? How long can you continue to have your heart-broken, feel betrayed, or feel used before it is too much? Is there a certain amount of pain we can endure before it is too much and we shrink back into our shells? How much is too much?
Our barriers lock us in. As much as they keep others out, they keep us locked away. Locked away from pain and misery but consequently also from happiness and love. Does happiness come in the form of living free and not worrying about how many times you are let down or is happiness found in protecting yourself from disappointment, heart-ache, tears and pain? You only live once. Do you want your life to be full of exreme happiness with bits of pain sprinkled in or one with mediocre happiness and almost no pain. Are you more afraid of loving too much or not loving enough?
When we arrive in this world, we are free and untainted. We give of ourselves freely to others. But at some point we start to hold back. As the hurt, pain and emotional scaring build up during our life we lock it all away. We withdrawl. Only those who have known us since we were young are able to deceive Cerberus. Each relationship we enter brings new hope but first you must also surpass all other failings from the previous ones. Once you have been tainted, you can never go back. In a relationship, you must first make up for someone else's wrong-doing before you can ever truly be let in. The first time you become disappointed by someone you are tainted. From then on out your wall begins to build. Slowly stacking rock upon rock as each person passes through your life letting you down.
We build walls. Impenetrable walls around ourselves. We believe these are to keep others out but are they really there to keep ourself locked in. Tucked away. Safe from harm. Safe from more scars. Is it better to have loved and lost than to never love at all? Is it better to find love or be in love even if that person doesn't reciprocate? Would you rather spend your life single but free from additional scars or would you want to throw yourself out there, without the walls, and experience love in all its grandor but also all its misery.
But how long can you take being disappointed in others? How long can you continue to have your heart-broken, feel betrayed, or feel used before it is too much? Is there a certain amount of pain we can endure before it is too much and we shrink back into our shells? How much is too much?
Our barriers lock us in. As much as they keep others out, they keep us locked away. Locked away from pain and misery but consequently also from happiness and love. Does happiness come in the form of living free and not worrying about how many times you are let down or is happiness found in protecting yourself from disappointment, heart-ache, tears and pain? You only live once. Do you want your life to be full of exreme happiness with bits of pain sprinkled in or one with mediocre happiness and almost no pain. Are you more afraid of loving too much or not loving enough?
dating in the real world
Within the past few years, I've learned some harsh lessons in the dating arena. The most damaging was dating in the real world is NOTHING like the dating portrayed on hit tv shows like "SATC" and "Friends." At least not for us average joes. I'm sure there are plenty of hot women like Carrie Bradshaw or men like Joey Tribiani who never get rejected but most of us discover, usually quite painfully, that this is certainly not the case when dating in the real world.
Lately, and by lately I mean the past 2 years, I've been going on a string of bad dates. Luckily and somewhat pathetically, they have never made it to date number two. A record I might add, but a sad one to boot. Throughout this course of never-ending bad first dates, I have recognized a certain trend in the male species. It is as if they have all read from the same incredibly bad 1st date book. Each one of them, no matter how awful or how great the date always seemed to end the date in the same manner: "I had a great time. Let's do this again." Of course they weren't all verbatim but the message was essentially the same. My question is this: if you never have any intention of seeing the girl again why do you leave the date with a line clearly signifying that you would like to see them again?
What is wrong with saying: I had a great time. Goodnight. Or while I had a great time, I just don't see this really evolving into anything. Seriously. It works as a great closure and doesn't leave your date embarassing herself at work the following day when she tells all her co-workers how incredible the date was only to end up feeling awkward a week later when they all ask how date #2 went and of course, there was no date #2 because you never called her nor did you ever intend to after date #1.
What is wrong with honesty? Yes, it will be a bit of an ego sting at first but in the long run you are doing the person a favor by not wasting their time the following days when they are left wondering whether you actually will call or not. And then if you don't, they are left pondering what they did wrong and what they need to improve upon for their next first date. Are men so afraid of women that they can't give them the decent courtesy of simply saying "I'm just not interested." Why lead us on? Why let us believe that you really would like to see us again when you have no intention to? I actually had one guy inquire so far as to what my weekend plans were that weekend and then upon hearing them suggested possibly getting together that Sat. night only to never hear from him again.
When did dating become such an art of deception and manipulation?
Lately, and by lately I mean the past 2 years, I've been going on a string of bad dates. Luckily and somewhat pathetically, they have never made it to date number two. A record I might add, but a sad one to boot. Throughout this course of never-ending bad first dates, I have recognized a certain trend in the male species. It is as if they have all read from the same incredibly bad 1st date book. Each one of them, no matter how awful or how great the date always seemed to end the date in the same manner: "I had a great time. Let's do this again." Of course they weren't all verbatim but the message was essentially the same. My question is this: if you never have any intention of seeing the girl again why do you leave the date with a line clearly signifying that you would like to see them again?
What is wrong with saying: I had a great time. Goodnight. Or while I had a great time, I just don't see this really evolving into anything. Seriously. It works as a great closure and doesn't leave your date embarassing herself at work the following day when she tells all her co-workers how incredible the date was only to end up feeling awkward a week later when they all ask how date #2 went and of course, there was no date #2 because you never called her nor did you ever intend to after date #1.
What is wrong with honesty? Yes, it will be a bit of an ego sting at first but in the long run you are doing the person a favor by not wasting their time the following days when they are left wondering whether you actually will call or not. And then if you don't, they are left pondering what they did wrong and what they need to improve upon for their next first date. Are men so afraid of women that they can't give them the decent courtesy of simply saying "I'm just not interested." Why lead us on? Why let us believe that you really would like to see us again when you have no intention to? I actually had one guy inquire so far as to what my weekend plans were that weekend and then upon hearing them suggested possibly getting together that Sat. night only to never hear from him again.
When did dating become such an art of deception and manipulation?
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