"I love this man, and have for many years. He has told me that he loves me and yet we have never truly been in a relationship. He got his serious girlfriend pregnant recently and they are due for a little boy. Last night he asked me to be the other woman. I dont know what to do. I want to, but i dont know if i can deal with the emotional side of things. Can I do this with knowing how i would feel if the roles were reversed?"
We all know these women, have been these women, or have simply read about these women for they are everywhere. Women whose self-image has sunken so far into the abyss that the only confidence they now boast comes from being the "other woman." These are the sad women who pathetically cry out because "no one loves them" yet they remain in a "relationship" (if you can even call it that) with a man who is already emotionally taken in the hopes that maybe someday he will leave his wife for me.
While I am certainly not an advocate for cheating, I am certainly a huge advocate for honesty. If you are the other woman for a man who has been completely honest with his wife about your relationship and you have been honest with yourself about what you will and will not get out of your relationship with him emotionally, sexually, and financially then by all means play on. But if you are a woman who has to hide in the shadows, always meeting in stray hotel rooms for late night encounters grow some balls and move on.
"Im currently in the position of the other woman.He has a girlfriend and a baby with her(an accident),is miserable and says he is madly in love with me.Hes divorced and has a boy with his ex wife and is 20 years older.regardless i love him more than i thought possible.The hurt and the pain we are going to cause plays on my mind everyday."
It is women like this who make women like me frustrated as hell and I am ashamed to have these women in the same league as myself. If you are not strong enough to realize your own self-value and worth then perhaps you do deserve to be strung up in this man's web conveniently available whenever he desires and conveniently forgettable as he desires.
Honestly, how can you love someone who treats you as their backup? Someone who uses you more for your convenience rather than for your witty and bubbly personality. As women we deserve to be treated with respect and kindness not indifference and feigned interest. Grow a pair why don't you and move on.
25 July 2007
17 July 2007
playing with boys
As a girl growing up, you learn one fundamental lesson: girls play with dolls while boys play with balls (not their own mind you). While social restrictions are changing in favor of girls putting Barbie on the backburner and participating in sports and other activities to promote independence, strength and competitiveness, it seems there will never be the general acceptance for girls to engage in these activities as there is for boys. As we get older, while we are no longer expected to brush our favorite dolls hair, we are expected to still maintain an air of propriety while the boys come home disheveled from a day of romping outdoors with clearly no regard for appropriate behavior. But this is accepted. And so it continues onward as we get older. Exchanging one societal pressure for another.
As women, we are expected to constantly maintain a flawless appearance but yet not be high maintenance or take the necessary time to achieve said flawlessness. Men claim they want no frills, low maintenance women but also want us to always look our best so they can brag to their friends about how beautiful their girlfriend is. Apparently we are to magically transform ourselves into celebrity beauty without taking the necessary five hours of primping they undergo to look as beautiful as they do. What high expectations they have of us.
Expectations increase even further when entering into the realm of sports. Men don't want a strong athlete woman who can beat them in sports nor do they want a woman who is so non-athletic that she ducks when a ball comes her way to avoid breaking a nail. So the compromise I suppose is to be a strong athlete woman who looks like the non-athletic high maintenance woman. If you are too good at sports you become one of the boys. If you are not good enough you simply don't get to play.
When will the day come that men will learn to appreciate the strong, independent woman. The one whose beauty does not simply lie in the flawlessness of her skin? Are emotions so fickle that they can not see past what is on the outside? Social pressure is slowly wavering and women are growing up stronger and more independent than ever before. We are no longer placid, dainty creatures who thrive on the happiness of our man. The 50s housewife is extinct. When will the desires of men sway to accommodate the new beauty that women possess?
As women, we are expected to constantly maintain a flawless appearance but yet not be high maintenance or take the necessary time to achieve said flawlessness. Men claim they want no frills, low maintenance women but also want us to always look our best so they can brag to their friends about how beautiful their girlfriend is. Apparently we are to magically transform ourselves into celebrity beauty without taking the necessary five hours of primping they undergo to look as beautiful as they do. What high expectations they have of us.
Expectations increase even further when entering into the realm of sports. Men don't want a strong athlete woman who can beat them in sports nor do they want a woman who is so non-athletic that she ducks when a ball comes her way to avoid breaking a nail. So the compromise I suppose is to be a strong athlete woman who looks like the non-athletic high maintenance woman. If you are too good at sports you become one of the boys. If you are not good enough you simply don't get to play.
When will the day come that men will learn to appreciate the strong, independent woman. The one whose beauty does not simply lie in the flawlessness of her skin? Are emotions so fickle that they can not see past what is on the outside? Social pressure is slowly wavering and women are growing up stronger and more independent than ever before. We are no longer placid, dainty creatures who thrive on the happiness of our man. The 50s housewife is extinct. When will the desires of men sway to accommodate the new beauty that women possess?
13 July 2007
the sun is out & the clothes are off
As the temperature heats up, the clothes start coming off. Sexuality and lust ooze from our pores as we strip off the jeans and sweaters for short minis and barely there tanks. It is no wonder there was once a 'Summer of Love' as opposed to a winter. Hormones that were seemingly laying dormant throughout the winter and spring have become overzealous in their lustful and sinful desires.
At the 4th of July party I attended this year nothing could be more true. Despite the overcast weather, everyone still sported minimalist clothing, partially for the intensely humid Florida weather but primarily to flaunt deeply tanned and toned skin as a peacock flaunts his alluring feathers. It is no wonder that by the end of the evening you saw "couples" scampering off together or random make out sessions between nameless strangers.
Does the heat of summer also bring with it an increase in our sexual appetite and voracity? Is it the scantily clad and revealing skin that sends blood rushing through our bodies? What is it about summer that makes it a time when everyone seems to get lucky?
Throughout the years I've noticed an odd trend of summer flings and winter relationships. The hot confines of summer seem to propel us all into a sexual frenzy where committment free attachments are made for a few glorious hours. In the dull greyness of winter however we seem to have a fear of being alone throughout the holidays and seek out someone to fulfill our relationship needs only to dispose of them the following spring in preparation for another summer of "love." What is it about the varying seasonal changes that makes our relationship needs vary as much as the weather itself. Seeking a meaninful relationship one season only to be followed by seeking a meaningful bout of sex the next. Are we inherently designed to seek these two counterparts as the seasons change from blistering heat to blistering cold?
At the 4th of July party I attended this year nothing could be more true. Despite the overcast weather, everyone still sported minimalist clothing, partially for the intensely humid Florida weather but primarily to flaunt deeply tanned and toned skin as a peacock flaunts his alluring feathers. It is no wonder that by the end of the evening you saw "couples" scampering off together or random make out sessions between nameless strangers.
Does the heat of summer also bring with it an increase in our sexual appetite and voracity? Is it the scantily clad and revealing skin that sends blood rushing through our bodies? What is it about summer that makes it a time when everyone seems to get lucky?
Throughout the years I've noticed an odd trend of summer flings and winter relationships. The hot confines of summer seem to propel us all into a sexual frenzy where committment free attachments are made for a few glorious hours. In the dull greyness of winter however we seem to have a fear of being alone throughout the holidays and seek out someone to fulfill our relationship needs only to dispose of them the following spring in preparation for another summer of "love." What is it about the varying seasonal changes that makes our relationship needs vary as much as the weather itself. Seeking a meaninful relationship one season only to be followed by seeking a meaningful bout of sex the next. Are we inherently designed to seek these two counterparts as the seasons change from blistering heat to blistering cold?
10 July 2007
shoved into popularity
I'm overwhelmed at the moment. Inundated by emails and winks and messages from random guys from various websites and calls at odd hours asking what I am doing. It's all too much for a girl to handle and to think two weeks ago I was basically non-existant to the opposite sex. It's odd how in one moment you go from no light to spotlight. In the past two weeks while one particular aspect of my life has gone significantly downhill the other parts have been thrust into a nice little utopian place. And yet, despite all the good fortune I have been having recently, I still find myself craving that which I can not have.
Last week I became enlightened about certain things that I find immensely pleasurable and yet I can not have them return. Not without trying out a bunch of new men which is the equivalent to finding the perfect pair of size eleven shoes to go with a hot new dress. It's just far too time-consuming and difficult. While I have other guys ringing my phone and messaging me, it is the one that got away that I am craving. Perhaps not for the socially right reasons but I can not help my weakness, for that is what it truly is. I know that just a word would make my his little love slave despite my better judgement. But I suppose we all have our weaknesses with the opposite sex. And he, well, he has the "look." Or that is how I deem it. Not able to truly express it in words, it is just something that I can not stray from. Once before I met a guy that turned me into this sad and pathetic addicted girl. Not addicted in a necessarily bad way as I didn't let him burn my emotions but despite knowing he wasn't wholeheartedly good for me I found myself returning to his embrace again and again.
So what do you do when all that will satiate your appetite is that which you can not have? Do you continue on trying out new men as you would pairs of shoes in the store or do you simply continue to crave your forbidden apple?
Last week I became enlightened about certain things that I find immensely pleasurable and yet I can not have them return. Not without trying out a bunch of new men which is the equivalent to finding the perfect pair of size eleven shoes to go with a hot new dress. It's just far too time-consuming and difficult. While I have other guys ringing my phone and messaging me, it is the one that got away that I am craving. Perhaps not for the socially right reasons but I can not help my weakness, for that is what it truly is. I know that just a word would make my his little love slave despite my better judgement. But I suppose we all have our weaknesses with the opposite sex. And he, well, he has the "look." Or that is how I deem it. Not able to truly express it in words, it is just something that I can not stray from. Once before I met a guy that turned me into this sad and pathetic addicted girl. Not addicted in a necessarily bad way as I didn't let him burn my emotions but despite knowing he wasn't wholeheartedly good for me I found myself returning to his embrace again and again.
So what do you do when all that will satiate your appetite is that which you can not have? Do you continue on trying out new men as you would pairs of shoes in the store or do you simply continue to crave your forbidden apple?
09 July 2007
lessons learned & lost
Through a series of misfortunate and, at the time, fortunate events this week, I gained a better understanding of some of pleasures life can afford while still remaining that ever consistant double-edged sword bringing swift cruelty in its wake. A certain curiosity I have faithfully been enduring for the past few years - continually wondering, continually questioning - has finally been quenched. That satisfaction has come with a hefty price. As I reflect back upon the series of events, I wonder if gaining new insight into my hearts desire was worth the price I had to pay.
While I maintain a steadfast 'no regrets' policy on life, I must sometimes question, mimicking the "better to have loved and lost" riddle, is it better to have learned and been burned or never have learned at all. Would I be the worse for wear today, had the experience not culminated into what it did? Reflecting back was it something I had to learn about myself despite the painfully addictive quality it brought about with dark questions bubbling to the surface. Am I now farther lost in the abyss of jade and cynicism, a place where trust can never be restored? While a new conciousness was brought to light on one certain pleasurable aspect of my life, other, less pleasurable thoughts were further reinstated in my mind. Their hold taking a tighter rein.
As you deal with fate's cruel hands, can you simply let go? As one rocky river flows into the next, leaving you bumped and bruised, can you allow the bumps and bruises life has afforded you to vanish and start new or do you simply wallow in those fleeting moments where everything felt so good, where pain and pleasure mixed to create the utopian place you have always sought?
While I maintain a steadfast 'no regrets' policy on life, I must sometimes question, mimicking the "better to have loved and lost" riddle, is it better to have learned and been burned or never have learned at all. Would I be the worse for wear today, had the experience not culminated into what it did? Reflecting back was it something I had to learn about myself despite the painfully addictive quality it brought about with dark questions bubbling to the surface. Am I now farther lost in the abyss of jade and cynicism, a place where trust can never be restored? While a new conciousness was brought to light on one certain pleasurable aspect of my life, other, less pleasurable thoughts were further reinstated in my mind. Their hold taking a tighter rein.
As you deal with fate's cruel hands, can you simply let go? As one rocky river flows into the next, leaving you bumped and bruised, can you allow the bumps and bruises life has afforded you to vanish and start new or do you simply wallow in those fleeting moments where everything felt so good, where pain and pleasure mixed to create the utopian place you have always sought?
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